What it is

Sheela sat at the small restaurant, staring listlessly out the glass doors.
“Are you waiting for somebody ma’am?” the waiter came up to her and asked. He sounded reluctant and unsure. Shaking her head without turning to look at him, she dismissed him vaguely. Awkwardly the young waiter walked away, shrugging to his co-worker standing behind the counter.
“What is the matter Rahim?” the owner’s wife; Yasmeen Api, as the young workers at the restaurant called her fondly; came out from the back kitchen, talking to the boy behind the counter. “Why haven’t we closed yet? It’s late...”
Rahim mutely pointed at the lady sitting and staring out the glass doors; her cup of coffee cold and completely forgotten. Frowning, the elderly woman made her way to the younger one who seemed to be lost in a world of her own.
“Excuse me,” Api said politely, “we are going to close down now...”
It was like talking to a wall. Sheela did not respond, did not even show any sign that she had heard anything that Api had said. Api studied the younger woman in front of her. She was a little on the pretty side and only slightly plump - a sign of happiness, Api thought; the condition of her hair and clothes pointed at a comfortable life too. And yet there was a sense of loss in her expression. It was beyond sadness, Api noticed; it was the look of complete emptiness, as if the girl had seen so many sorrows, it had taken away even the smallest of joys from her life. But she looked barely 25, this girl!
Turning around Api signalled Rahim and the waiter, Akash, to close everything down and leave. They exchanged a look and then nodded at her before starting to pack things up. She knew they would ask her all about it later; but they were smart enough to know that it was not the right time for questions. Api could not help the small smile that came on her face. They had only come looking for part time jobs for some extra pocket money a few months ago. But in the short span of time these two boys had become an important part of her small family. They did not have children, Api and Yusuf Sir, her husband; but these boys made up for that.
When the boys had left, Api turned to Sheela again, putting a hand on her shoulder. As if someone had turned a switch on, Sheela looked up, startled. Looking slightly flustered, she got up hastily. “I’m sorry, I’ll just be leaving. I-“
Smiling Api pressed down on the younger girl’s shoulder, forcing her to sit again. “It’s alright beta,” Api said kindly. “Sit. You look worried. What is the matter?”
Sheela stole a glance at the lady who was now sitting across her, trying to suppress the slight surprise at the direct manner in which she had asked her the question. These days it was uncommon; people kept to themselves, and asking prying questions such as that was considered impolite. And yet there was something in the kindness that reflected in her eyes that somehow softened Sheela.
“I - “she did not know how to answer her.
“Do you want something to drink?” Api offered her gently, understanding her discomfort, “your coffee is now useless” she laughed.
“It’s alright... aunty...”
“My name is Yasmeen, you can call me Api.” She told her, getting up to get her something anyway, despite her protests. “Akash told me you’ve been here since noon,” she continued, “Do you not have someone back home worrying for you?”
The moment she said that, Sheela’s face suddenly filled with sadness. Api went in and got out an Indian Thali with delicious looking naan and curies; and a jug of water. Looking at the food Sheela realized she really hadn’t had anything to eat. A quick glance at her watch told her it was almost midnight. The restaurant would have shut down an hour ago at the latest!
“You never answered my question,” Api said as she placed the food in front of Sheela, “isn’t anyone waiting for you at home?”
She did not say anything. What could she say really? Sheela thought to herself. Sighing, she nodded and said “my husband...”
“Eat” Api ordered her gently. And only after Sheela had a couple of bites of food did she speak again “Is that why you are here? Did you fight with him?”
Sheela, her eyes always guarded, muttered “you could say that... I wish we had fought though” she added under her breath.
“What happened?” Api pushed, and Sheela got the sense that she wouldn’t let it go until she told her everything. How would she be able to though?
She felt Api’s reassuring hand on her own. And just like that, it all came out.
“We ... I... cheated on him... with my friend at work... “ maybe it wasn’t everything but at this point Sheela had to look up to see Api’s face. She needed to know what she thought of her. Did she think she was disgusting? Would she ask her to get out now? Api simply nodded and urged her to continue, sensing there was more to tell. So Sheela continued...
“This morning, Rahul, my... friend... he told me I had made a mistake marrying Dev... we had had a love marriage and we were very happy too... in the beginning... I... he... we had ... it had all happened so soon. We had only met six months before we our parents got us married. And in the beginning it was great. He brought me flowers, red roses on Valentine’s, he cut back on his expenses to buy me expensive ear rings; we would have candlelit dinner every night... it was great... and even I...” a pained smile crossed her face “I would attempt at cooking just for him every Sunday, and he would say it was yummy even if it was awful; and at night, we couldn’t stop talking on and on... we were... perfect. But then it stopped... not immediately. At first it started with both of us coming back home exhausted, too tired for anything... no more candlelit dinners, no more home cooked food... no more flowers... and then one day, we ran out of things to say to each other... we’ve been married for two years; and the last conversation I had with him that did not result in an empty silence was ... almost a year ago... mostly he talks about his work, I then say something about mine; and then we... don’t talk... sometimes we don’t talk at all... it is as if he doesn’t have anything to say to me anymore...
“So when Rahul asked me ‘Where is the love? Where is the romance that you once gushed about all day?’... I... couldn’t say anything. How could I have said anything when what he was saying was true? When I knew that the love, the romance; it had all died down and what was left was just this hollow living... ‘a mutual existence’ he called it... and I still couldn’t say anything... and then...” Sheela paused, her pale face suddenly flushing. Api recognized the embarrassment. “He kissed me...”
There was silence in the restaurant. Sheela could not make herself say anymore. And Api; Api watched her carefully. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Api sighed; patted Sheela on her hand gently, comfortingly... and then chuckled.
Sheela looked up at Api, taken aback.
“Oh you kids today!” Api said, still laughing. “The smallest things, you take seriously! Think it’s the end of the world, you kids!”
“...I...” Sheela did not know what to say. What could anyone say really, in a situation like this?
“I don’t understand...” she said finally.
“So why are you sad?” Api asked her, leaning back in her chair and watching her with what looked like amusement.
Feeling odd, Sheela said “Well... what he said was right... and – “
“You are here.” Api cut in. “If what he said was true; then you would be with him.”
There was silence again. Sheela did not know what to say, or how to respond.
“And as for the romance,” Api continued after a while, reaching across and pushing Sheela’s chin up lightly, “it is after the romance ends that, love begins.”
Just then there was a loud knock on the glass doors of the restaurant. Only then did Sheela realize that it had started to rain heavily outside.
Wondering out loud who it could be at that hour, Api got up to open the door. Before that though, the man outside pushed the door open and stepped inside. There was no lock on the door. There was steel shutters outside that Api put down at the end of the day when the restaurant closed down.
“Sheela!” the man said. She hadn’t recognized him immediately because of the raincoat and the fact that all his hair was stuck to his face because of the rain. He was drenched, despite the raincoat.
“Dev.”
“Oh my God Sheela” The next thing she knew Dev had literally jumped on her and was holding her tight enough to choke her. “Where were you?! I’ve been looking all over the place! Do you know what time it is! Your friend at the office Fiza-Zoya- whatever her name is, she told me you’d disappeared in the morning! What were you thinking?! Why did you leave? Why didn’t you call me? Are you alright?” He let her go then; not entirely, but enough so he could see her face. “Are you alright?”
Sheela looked up at her husband’s concerned face. His dark eyes were scrutinizing her face. Was she alright? She didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and Dev looked more worried than he had before. Sheela never cried. “Shee-“ Before he could complete what he was saying, she threw herself back into his arms. “I am now.”

Api watched as the two youngsters left, Sheela throwing her a grateful smile that Api returned. “What happened Yasmeen?” Yusuf asked her when Api went upstairs after closing the restaurant down.
“Oh nothing,” Api said, “just met a girl. She reminded me of myself.”
Yusuf shook his head, “you mean when you planned to run away from me?”
Api laughed, “No, I mean when you told me you wouldn’t marry again no matter how much Abu wanted you to.”
They sat together hand in hand, just like they did every night. “I still say one wife is enough of a burden!” Yusuf chuckled. Api punched him lightly on the arm, and then leaned in, resting her head on his shoulder.